People Who Should Be Flogged

Look, it’s not that easy being the person who has to make the big decisions that matter. If you live in the same kind of area that I do, you will notice that there are people who should be punished beyond receiving a fine. A fine of $50 doesn’t do it anymore. Who cares if someone loses their bar money? A lesson needed to be learned for the people and here’s a list of what kind of people should receive said lesson. The punishment must be severe.

No, not that kind of flogging.
No, not that kind of flogging.

People who can’t use the correct form of there/they’re/their

It’s not that fucking hard and you learned this in elementary school. I typically see more people using “there” when they mean one of the two other forms of the word. They have different meanings and were taught to you back before you ever knew what algebra was.

Lena Dunham

Besides diddling her little sister, Lena’s crimes include oversimplified politics, over-exaggerating her reactions to political happenings, falsely accusing people of rape and creating some of the laziest comedy I have seen on television.

People who grew up in America but put the dollar sign after the number

Instead of writing it as “$5”, they’ll write it as “5$”. Stop it.

People at concerts selling rejected shirts

You’ll find these assholes at a large concert while waiting for the doors to open and you’re standing in line. These are people ripping off the bands you are going out to see and deserve to get their nuts punched in. You can argue that the band’s merchandise is overpriced and I’ll agree. No one should purchase a Ghost t-shirt for $40. But, the asshole in┬áline selling you a rejected or bootleg shirt for $15 or less is trying to pass off a shirt that looks like shit and expecting you to not notice. They deserve a lashing for each shirt sold.

Parents who let their children play online with a headset

If you’ve played games online, you may have come across the little shithead yelling at you for how badly you’re playing. Or maybe they’re humming in the headset not caring if anyone can hear them. There’s a punishment that should be given to them but the flogging is reserved to the parents. I cannot name one person who benefits from hearing your child on the headset while playing Counter-Strike. And then there are the little shits that try coaching you. That’s the last thing I need on my game; to have to listen to someone I could easily dropkick tell me how to play.

Steven Crowder

Let’s say you’re a real patriot who wants to run a news blog. Wrap yourself and your website in the American flag, motherfucker. The first time I heard of him was from watching a video where he crashed a feminist convention. Steven is a man who fancies himself to be an advocate for free speech but becomes offended when the feminist convention is selling merchandise that is blasphemous to his religion. He’s an example of conservative advocates for free speech simply caught in more hypocrisy. It doesn’t help that his arguments are generally full of shit. What an asshole.

Drivers who aren’t paying attention to their green arrow turning lights

You’re behind some dickhead who’s also waiting for the same left-turn lane’s traffic light to turn to the green arrow. They sit in the car not paying attention to the traffic light and in the next moment, you have the yellow arrow turning red because the dipshit in front of you wasted all of their time. Cops shouldn’t be sitting at a speed trap, they should be catching this morons and doing the flogging for us.

Alex Jones

I saved him for last on this list and he’s the bane of my experience with people having false information. If you were to look up his YouTube videos for the first time, you might find him to be a living example of Poe’s Law. Here’s a video clip from a rant about a “gay bomb” leading to him yelling about “chemicals” turning frogs gay.

People who pay attention to their science classes know that Alex Jones, the king of conspiracy theories, is full of shit. You may think of Info Wars as junk food. Something to indulge on that’s factually wrong but entertaining. Those that remember my article about Spirit Science will recall my biggest problem being that people take Jordan’s work seriously. The same problem is with Info Wars and it’s on a much more grand scale. The website trying to sell you product for their faux medication like dick pills should be a flag. To put it as simply as I can, the misinformation from Alex Jones makes him not only stupid but also dangerously irresponsible. The lashings must be daily.

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